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I maintain the conviction that it is never too late to transform. I think you can in fact train a seasoned creature, as long as the mature being is open-minded and willing to learn. So long as the individual in question is prepared to acknowledge when it was in error, and strive to be a improved version.

OK yes, I am that seasoned creature. And the trick I am attempting to master, although I am decrepit? It is an significant challenge, an issue I have grappled with, frequently, for my whole existence. I have been trying … to grow less fearful of huntsman spiders. My regrets to all the different eight-legged creatures that exist; I have to be pragmatic about my possible growth as a human. The target inevitably is the huntsman because it is imposing, commanding, and the one I see with the greatest frequency. This includes a trio of instances in the recent past. Inside my home. Though unseen, but I'm grimacing and grimacing as I type.

I doubt I’ll ever reach “fan” status, but my project has been at least achieving a standard level of composure about them.

An intense phobia regarding spiders from my earliest years (as opposed to other children who adore them). In my formative years, I had plenty of male siblings around to make sure I never had to confront any personally, but I still panicked if one was obviously in the immediate vicinity as me. I have a strong memory of one morning when I was eight, my family still asleep, and facing the ordeal of a spider that had made its way onto the living room surface. I “dealt” with it by standing incredibly far away, nearly crossing the threshold (lest it ran after me), and discharging a generous amount of pesticide toward it. The spray failed to hit the spider, but it did reach and annoy everyone in my house.

In my adult life, whomever I was in a relationship with or sharing a home with was, automatically, the least afraid of spiders in our pairing, and therefore responsible for dealing with it, while I emitted low keening sounds and ran away. If I was on my own, my tactic was simply to leave the room, douse the illumination and try to ignore its being before I had to re-enter.

Not long ago, I visited a friend’s house where there was a particularly sizable huntsman who resided within the sill, mostly just hanging out. As a means to be more comfortable with its presence, I conceptualized the spider as a her, a one of the girls, in our circle, just lounging in the sun and overhearing us chat. It sounds rather silly, but it was effective (a little bit). Or, actively deciding to become less phobic worked.

Be that as it may, I've endeavored to maintain this practice. I think about all the rational arguments not to be scared. It is a fact that huntsman spiders are not dangerous to humans. I understand they prey upon things like buzzing nuisances (creatures I despise). I know they are one of the planet's marvelous, benign creatures.

Unfortunately, however, they do continue to scuttle like that. They travel in the most terrifying and somehow offensive way possible. The appearance of their multiple limbs propelling them at that alarming velocity triggers my caveman brain to enter panic mode. They ostensibly only have eight legs, but I maintain that increases exponentially when they move.

But it is no fault of their own that they have unnerving limbs, and they have the same privilege to be where I am – perhaps even more so. I have discovered that implementing the strategy of trying not to immediately exit my own skin and run away when I see one, attempting to stay calm and collected, and intentionally reflecting about their beneficial attributes, has proven somewhat effective.

Just because they are fuzzy entities that scuttle about extremely quickly in a way that haunts my sleep, doesn’t mean they merit my intense dislike, or my shrieks of terror. It is possible to acknowledge when I’ve been wrong and motivated by unfounded fear. I doubt I’ll ever make it to the “catching one in a Tupperware container and relocating it outdoors” stage, but miracles happen. A bit of time remains for this seasoned learner yet.